|"We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing."|
Summer 2016, Day One.
Last night I dreamt I was on a roller coaster with my sister who passed away. Only her, no one else. There was nothing scary about it but I was holding onto her for dear life and bracing her head with mine. In the dream my eyes were only open long enough to see her little knees knocking together and her hands holding the handle bar in front of us. I didn't see her face but I knew it was her as I held on, and for the entire ride I kept my eyes closed to take it all in. I could feel the rise and fall of the ride in my core.
To dream of being on a roller coaster with her tells me she is somewhere enjoying the things she couldn't enjoy when she was alive. Growing up she could never ride the roller coasters at amusement parks because her fragile little body couldn't withstand the quick turns and bumpy ride. I hated that. I hated that my little sister couldn't experience the thrills I could, and no matter how hard I tried to convince our parents that I would protect her, the only thrill she got was watching Dad and I scream from the gate below.
When the ride was about to stop I looked down and noticed my Mom and Dad smiling and waving at us as she hollered, "Look Dad! Look!"
Even in my dream I recognized this as a first for all of us.
I woke up feeling happy. I cried of course, but I was surprisingly okay with the dream being over. I was fine with the reality that set in. I wanted to believe this was a sign that she is happy and free to do whatever she wants without limitations. Wherever she is.
Dream dictionaries have other suggestions. It could be that life is about to take me on a tumultuous ride with ups and downs and unexpected turns. It could be that I'm about to experience changes in relationships, in myself, or the way I feel about something or someone. All searches told me that whatever it is I am yet to experience will be my own - because the other seats on the ride were empty. A very comforting detail is that being on the ride with only one other person indicates that person being there for me along the way.
There were moments I felt nervous and scared in my dream, but the ride ended on a happy note which is how I'd hope any ride in life would end. I can't say I'm anxious to see what's in store, but with her in my seat I think it will be okay.